(no subject)

[amicably_absent]

It was something Ambrose had been putting off doing.

In the privacy of his rooms, he took off his coat and hung it up, slipping off his shoes and tucking them under the bed. His socks went next, into the laundry chute, then his shirt (off over the head), and his striped undershirt, which was tossed down as well. He dumped his pants down there as well, mildly disgruntled at Glitch's refusal to bother with underwear.

He cracked the curtains to let a streak of setting sunlight through. He walked forwards, tugging the cloth from the mirror.

It was not as bad as he feared.

It was not as good as he had hoped.

Some of the scars were vaguely familiar. One on his arm from a sword fight, maybe. On his hand from a design that went wrong. Others though...

He turned, looking at himself. He was even paler than he had been, arms and legs thinner, but there was wiry muscle. It seemed to be the fat had gone first, then the muscles. Little relief, but it was something.

It was still a sight he didn't like. The wild curls softened his face and just seemed messy. The zipper was an ugly scar he couldn't remember; his fingers touched it softly, barely able to look in the mirror and completely unable to look away as he saw his fingers touch metal as he feels the coolness, the rough texture catching his skin even as he felt soft tugs on his scalp as it happened.

He drew his hands away sharply, looking down to his body again. Small shifts changed the light casting over him, brought other marks into sharp relief. A star burst in his shoulder and in his lower back, bones jutting against pale skin, ghost like and alien body not his own very much his.

He closed his eyes and reached for the cloth on the ground, ending up standing there with his head bowed, cloth clutched to his chest as he was torn between throwing it over the glass and wrapping it about himself.

At least the sunlight on his skin felt the same.

Comments

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose goes for his coffee, sipping it. He looks over, trying to resist and unable to. "What's true that whom says?"

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Maybe there really is a first time for everything. You just won't know it 'til it happens."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

He smiles and ducks his head. "I suppose so."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

It's yet another thing they seem to have in common, Glitch and Ambrose. They struggle just a little bit with compliments, if it's touching on something they didn't expect.

But there's something else on Wyatt's mind, and even if there weren't, he wouldn't want to point out what some might see as a social flaw. That's not the way to make people feel better about themselves.

"Would you mind if I ask you something personal?" He glances at the bathroom, to give the other man a cue as to what he's getting at.

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose follows Wyatt's look, pursing his lips and looking down, but nodding. He can well guess the nature of the question that's about to happen. "Yes, of course, Wyatt."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"It's difficult, not knowing when or where you were hurt. By whom."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"They don't even hurt anymore," he says softly. "I presume... someone who objected to a zipper head being around. They're gunshots. The others... some I remember. In a way. But I look different now."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He nods. "Thinner. Maybe a bit older. I-- wasn't around when the government started headcasing anyone who took a political or philosophical standpoint in any way criticizing the Sorceress. I can't imagine the public opinion against you as a group changed much while I was gone."

If at first you sentence murderers and rapists and worse to headcasing, and then you let them loose to roam the land with one, shining sign of what they've done... People get scared. They don't trust you, and why should they? They don't know if the medicos got all the bad out of you. And then, if you start headcasing other people, people who have technically done nothing wrong...

How can you tell the difference between a rapist and a philosopher?

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"Not notably older," he comments. "I think. From shaky memory, execution was more common. Headcasing is labour intensive, difficult... not worth it generally when you can just execute someone."

He pushes away the cobbler, not hungry any more. "I was simply valuable. My brain was worth more functioning than not."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Was, Ambrose. Execution was more common."

He sighs, pushing his plate away as well, to better turn the chair around to face the other man. "You were headcased because it amused the Sorceress, and she wanted to get back at Her Royal Highness. Not because your brain was worth more in a jar. That you refused to join her court gave her ample excuse.

"You did the right thing, Ambrose. There's nothing simple about it."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"No," Ambrose shook his head. "I was headcased for the Sun Seeder plans. From the moment she learned of them from me in my lab, she was obsessed with it. I... understand why now. What she planned."

He looks up and suddenly remembers, for a second, flashes of things he shouldn't remember. He stares, vacant and briefly horrified before his brain shuts down the thought how it knows best.

"... Hello?"

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He reaches out, covers one thin hand with his own. "Hey. You glitched again. We keep sliding onto difficult topics... I'm sorry."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"Oh. I'm sorry, Wyatt." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't know how I'm ever to remember anything if everytime I touch something difficult, I glitch."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

For one split second, he considers telling Ambrose about his way of dealing with it, even if he isn't sure he wants to share. The second that follows, he decides that what he wants and what is the right thing to do, are two entirely different things.

"It's a fresh start. It's a chance for you to remember things from a different angle. It's...something I used to help you with."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"Oh?" He leans his head on his hand, elbow on the table. "How do you mean?"

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He shrugs, letting go to wrap his fingers around his still warm cup of java. "It was before your surgery. You think you're glitching a lot now, you should've seen Glitch back then. He didn't need a reason to glitch, he just did. Might've been due to stress or something similar, but mostly it involved us talking, and me saying or asking something really stupid."

He looks into his cup, almost smiling despite everything. It isn't exactly a happy story, but it's a story of budding friendship and all that came with it.

"Thing is, a lot of the time, it was important stuff we were talking about. Things that I felt Glitch needed to remember, so I wouldn't just drop it. I'd find a way to ask the same stupid questions in a slightly less stupid way, and after two, three fresh starts, Glitch would've worked himself to a conclusion without glitching. And I'd feel a bit better about planting my foot in my mouth to begin with."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose smiles shyly and half giggles, hiding it behind a cup. "That, actually sounds rather wonderful. It can stay just between the two of us," he says almost conspiratorially, tapping his nose with his finger.

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He shrugs self-consciously, but smiles just the same. "It seemed to help, and I was happy to, even if I felt guilty about it at the time."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"Why on Earth would you feel guilty? If it helped him... us. Him. If it helped him to think and remember, why feel guilty?" He drags the cobbler back, lack of hunger forgotten.

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Because it felt like I was getting this chance to do over that I didn't deserve. If you do something bad, like upset your friend, you're not supposed to get a free pass. But I did, and I wasn't afraid to use it."

But it did help Glitch, or so he'd like to think. He looks on as the plate is once again interesting to the Advisor. He doesn't point out that he pushed it away just a few minutes ago. "You're supposed to have to work for it, you know?"

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"You do. Each time you see that glitch and it hurts you to realise it's happened. There's nothing wrong with finding silver linings in dark clouds." He cocks his head. "The clouds over the old West tower were the most brilliant during lightning storms, when they went gold and silver amongst the black."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He's right. It does hurt, every single time, and that's why he hesitates to push these days. He doesn't ever want to see Glitch like that last night at Finnaqua, knowing he is to blame. It would be different, because Jeb didn't know. Wyatt does.

"It sounds beautiful."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Jeb also didn't try the different angles, just pushed the same one over and over.

"It is. I took the girls up there to photograph it, during the storms."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"They must have been so excited." He smiles softly, imagining how they might have reacted. He always loved rain and thunder as a child, but Jeb never did, although more out of boredom than any actual fear. That's another thing he remembers, but it seems like something watched from afar. Like he didn't actually live that life. He supposes it will take a long time for the memories to become substantial again. If they ever will.

"They speak very fondly of you. DG and Azkadellia. I take it you've spent time with them both while here?"

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"Not really... Glitch mostly spends time with them. He knows DG." Ambrose struggles with strange adults and even more with Azkadellia. Intellectually, he understand. Emotionally, she's still the woman who had him tortured and headcased, who imprisoned and tormented his lady.

"DG and Raw spent a lot of time helping Glitch sort out the labs. Azkadellia joined them."