(no subject)

[amicably_absent]

It was something Ambrose had been putting off doing.

In the privacy of his rooms, he took off his coat and hung it up, slipping off his shoes and tucking them under the bed. His socks went next, into the laundry chute, then his shirt (off over the head), and his striped undershirt, which was tossed down as well. He dumped his pants down there as well, mildly disgruntled at Glitch's refusal to bother with underwear.

He cracked the curtains to let a streak of setting sunlight through. He walked forwards, tugging the cloth from the mirror.

It was not as bad as he feared.

It was not as good as he had hoped.

Some of the scars were vaguely familiar. One on his arm from a sword fight, maybe. On his hand from a design that went wrong. Others though...

He turned, looking at himself. He was even paler than he had been, arms and legs thinner, but there was wiry muscle. It seemed to be the fat had gone first, then the muscles. Little relief, but it was something.

It was still a sight he didn't like. The wild curls softened his face and just seemed messy. The zipper was an ugly scar he couldn't remember; his fingers touched it softly, barely able to look in the mirror and completely unable to look away as he saw his fingers touch metal as he feels the coolness, the rough texture catching his skin even as he felt soft tugs on his scalp as it happened.

He drew his hands away sharply, looking down to his body again. Small shifts changed the light casting over him, brought other marks into sharp relief. A star burst in his shoulder and in his lower back, bones jutting against pale skin, ghost like and alien body not his own very much his.

He closed his eyes and reached for the cloth on the ground, ending up standing there with his head bowed, cloth clutched to his chest as he was torn between throwing it over the glass and wrapping it about himself.

At least the sunlight on his skin felt the same.

Comments

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Yes?"

Better to be safe than sorry, he figures, to let Ambrose figure things out in his own time.

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"I... seem to have forgotten... no... Cain." The light comes on. "Of course. I'm sorry, Wyatt. I have no idea what happened there."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"It's okay. You do that sometimes. It's just your brain processing things, too much information or difficult memories. Like a defense mechanism."

He decides again not to push, remembering too clearly the tail end of those two days when Glitch just wouldn't stop glitching.

"I don't mind. It probably sounds real bad, but...I've grown used to it."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

He thinks. "You mean, I glitched." He can accept this as an answer. "I don't think I'm used to it yet. I can't imagine... not knowing who you are, or where you are, just that everyone keeps staring at you with contempt, revulsion and hate. And you don't know why."

His fingers trace the zip and then he takes a large, comforting bite of cobbler.

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. You glitched."

His heart sinks like a rock. He has absolutely no idea what to say.

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose looks up and smiles slightly. "Glitch is lucky to have you. You have so much compassion for him. I've never known an officer with so much heart."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He shakes his head earnestly, modest but not out of some sense of scoring brownie points. "I'm the lucky one."

He looks away, a smile tugging at his mouth that speaks of some strong emotion. Affection or love, it's something briefly overwhelmingly heartwarming.

"I love him, Ambrose, I-I..." He looks up at him again. "I count my lucky stars that he and DG found me, that we... I've been blessed twice over in my life, and I barely expected to be blessed once. I'm the lucky one."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose smiles and reaches over to close a hand over Cain's, squeezing lightly. "You are, Wyatt. You have a wonderful son, and people who love you dearly."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"I do." He's still smiling, turning his hand slightly to grip Ambrose's fingers gently. "I am. It's good to be alive."

And suddenly, he wonders why Glitch didn't just tell him so after they were interrupted.

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose's smile softens, fading as he just holds Wyatt's gaze, feels the warmth of his fingers.

He understands why Glitch is so shamelessly confident in himself if he has Wyatt watch him like that.

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

Like he's the most wonderfully perplexing creature in the whole world, and there's nothing he can say or do to change this fact. No scars will change it, new or old, no amount of glitching, no matter what he forgets...

"You're quite something, Ambrose. Thank you."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

He gives a small huff of amusement, a blush and he looks away. "You're the first person to say that and not be talking about my inventions of my martial training."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Doesn't make it any less true." He squeezes his fingers a last time before letting go, in case Ambrose wants to get back to his coffee or his cobbler.

He'll certainly have a large bite, himself. Then, thoughtfully, "I guess it's true what they say..."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose goes for his coffee, sipping it. He looks over, trying to resist and unable to. "What's true that whom says?"

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Maybe there really is a first time for everything. You just won't know it 'til it happens."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

He smiles and ducks his head. "I suppose so."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

It's yet another thing they seem to have in common, Glitch and Ambrose. They struggle just a little bit with compliments, if it's touching on something they didn't expect.

But there's something else on Wyatt's mind, and even if there weren't, he wouldn't want to point out what some might see as a social flaw. That's not the way to make people feel better about themselves.

"Would you mind if I ask you something personal?" He glances at the bathroom, to give the other man a cue as to what he's getting at.

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

Ambrose follows Wyatt's look, pursing his lips and looking down, but nodding. He can well guess the nature of the question that's about to happen. "Yes, of course, Wyatt."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"It's difficult, not knowing when or where you were hurt. By whom."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"They don't even hurt anymore," he says softly. "I presume... someone who objected to a zipper head being around. They're gunshots. The others... some I remember. In a way. But I look different now."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He nods. "Thinner. Maybe a bit older. I-- wasn't around when the government started headcasing anyone who took a political or philosophical standpoint in any way criticizing the Sorceress. I can't imagine the public opinion against you as a group changed much while I was gone."

If at first you sentence murderers and rapists and worse to headcasing, and then you let them loose to roam the land with one, shining sign of what they've done... People get scared. They don't trust you, and why should they? They don't know if the medicos got all the bad out of you. And then, if you start headcasing other people, people who have technically done nothing wrong...

How can you tell the difference between a rapist and a philosopher?

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"Not notably older," he comments. "I think. From shaky memory, execution was more common. Headcasing is labour intensive, difficult... not worth it generally when you can just execute someone."

He pushes away the cobbler, not hungry any more. "I was simply valuable. My brain was worth more functioning than not."

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

"Was, Ambrose. Execution was more common."

He sighs, pushing his plate away as well, to better turn the chair around to face the other man. "You were headcased because it amused the Sorceress, and she wanted to get back at Her Royal Highness. Not because your brain was worth more in a jar. That you refused to join her court gave her ample excuse.

"You did the right thing, Ambrose. There's nothing simple about it."

[amicably-absent.livejournal.com]

"No," Ambrose shook his head. "I was headcased for the Sun Seeder plans. From the moment she learned of them from me in my lab, she was obsessed with it. I... understand why now. What she planned."

He looks up and suddenly remembers, for a second, flashes of things he shouldn't remember. He stares, vacant and briefly horrified before his brain shuts down the thought how it knows best.

"... Hello?"

[less-hugging.livejournal.com]

He reaches out, covers one thin hand with his own. "Hey. You glitched again. We keep sliding onto difficult topics... I'm sorry."